Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
