At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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