He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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