the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
