...so i touched it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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