I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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