Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize