im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
