Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
