the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
