I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
