After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
