Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
