Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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