I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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