Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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