Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
