why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize