omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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