D3 body, D1 cock
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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