Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
