Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
