I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
