I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
