the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
