We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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