The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Even my vagina gasped.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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