You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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