you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
