nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
