If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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