Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
