It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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