yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
