Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize