Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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