Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
