He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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