He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
