my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize