so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
