I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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