they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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