well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
