I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
