2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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