I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
