Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize