Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
