how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize