i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
