How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
