last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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