If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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