I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
