Where is the hickey?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize