Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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