At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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