well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
