No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
