Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
