oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
