its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
