i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
