we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize