I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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