Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize