he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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