as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
