Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
