in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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