I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she smelled like a LAN party
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
