the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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